Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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