my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
