Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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