he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
