I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
