If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
