i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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