I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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