Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
