Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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