I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
