I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
