I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
