I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
