I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
