This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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