Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
