The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
