Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
