I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
