My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize