There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
