Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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