Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just had sex bonerless
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
