So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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