There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
