I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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