Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
