We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
