my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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