THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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