mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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