He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
