just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
