We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Come share oat with me in your robe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
