Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
