all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
