Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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