Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
