He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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