Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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