Umm I'm too high to move.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry about my life...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
