I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
