My brain says no but my pants say off.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
