I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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