My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My balls are so social today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
