i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize