So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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