you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
