Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
