Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
