You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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