If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
