i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
