I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
