omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
