In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
