You work out of a Hotel?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
