Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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