I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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