ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize