My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
