she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize