Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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