I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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