The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
