I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
