wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
