you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
