Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
