remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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