Kiss
Puke
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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