return my video game
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize