9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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