I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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