Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You took a bar mat shot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
