when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
